fear

fear is cradling it in my hands
caressing the barel
fingering the trigger with a light tap tap tap
nothing to loose, everything to gain

in a single moment the pain will turn to fame
once with a name but that they too have claimed
for plans have failed, fame will come with a nasty aftertaste
really what I want to leave?

fear of failing once again only to return to this point
fear of failing worse than ever and being forced to live with the cost
fear of failing at the ultimate failure…failing to fail once again

i ever so careful lay it back again
i ever so careful tuck it in
i ever so careful shut the door
this door…once more…but when shall it open again

i closed the door but there is no lock
the door with the wind always seems to creep in

within hours the weapon has changed shapes and sizes
an innocent victim trapped within its clutches
begging to go, but forced to stay, only because there is another one within this day

why God do you cause such twists and turns
why God not just let my plans go untouched
why God am i even here
why God did you take him
why God did you answer that prayer and pull her from here
why God did you allow this unwanted one
why God did you come robbing the wrong one
why God did you have to ruin my day
why God did you not let her go her way…why did she have to stay
why God do i stand pleading tonight to return and succeed
why God can nothing come closer to my mind my succeeding
why God was i fearful, i’ve played it over and over again
why God did i hesitate until there was no more time
why God did he have to go and cry
why God did you have to take from me my life
why God did you do this once again
why God can’t i go…please just let me go…

please God i beg…just like papaw begged of me…let me just go to sleep

~ by nietzscheiam on April 15, 2008.